The Eyes Can't Always SeeThis is a featured page

Part 1
It has been 6 months since Lucy Daniela Messer was born. Danny and Lindsay have been caught up in being new parents that they haven’t even started to organise their wedding. Danny and Lindsay are walking through central park with little Lucy in her pram, they do not realise someone is watching them; someone is following them and watching their every move. They carry on walking until they get to The Lake. “Hey look Lucy look at the ducks aren’t they pretty!” say’s Danny, Lucy looks up at her father and laugh’s. “I think she likes them” Danny says. “Yeah I think she does” replies Lindsay. Danny’s phone starts beeping. “Ive got to ,work Linds I wont be to long I promise” and with that Danny gives Lindsay a kiss and he bends down to little Lucy and tickles her and gives her a BIG kiss and says “Goodbye lil princess I wont be to long” Lucy giggles again, “you know Linds I'm gonna miss her like crazy, can I not just bring her into work with me? PLEASE?” “Nope, she’s staying with me, we are gonna do what you PROMISED we would do and that is feed the ducks. You know im going back to work next week and I want to spend as much time as I can with her.” “Ok then” Danny sulks. “Hey don’t look at me like that im doing nothing wrong, you’re the one who is abandoning your child” “I wouldn’t if I could” Danny gives Lindsay another kiss “bye lil princess I'm gonna miss you” Lucy laughs again “Bye Linds I promise I will be home for dinner” “Ok BUT if your not guess who’s butt is gonna be kicked” “mine” Danny gives Lindsay another kiss and then leaves. Lindsay bends down to Lucy and says “Your daddy’ll be back soon lets have some fun and show your dad what he’s missing. The person behind the bushes looks longley at Lindsay wishing that they themselves were with her but they had plan to get her, to get Danny out of the picture, so that they could be together always but for now they would watch and learn. He was content in watching, for he could see his Lindsay and think to himself that they were going to be together and they were going to be together always. Lindsay pushed Lucy’s pram and starting walking away from the pond smiling to herself, not remembering when she was last this happy and with that she left central park, not knowing what was instore for her in the next few days.

Part 2
Danny arrives at the Lab. “What’s the rush Mac? You’ve made me miss a very important day with my daughter” “how important was it?” “she was seeing the ducky's for the first time today” “sorry Danny but we need you here” “ok Mac, soo what is it?” “Well Danny for starters I would like to introduce you to our new lab tech Ciaran Dunn he has transferred over here from Bozeman, Montana.” “Hey there it’s nice to meet you. My name’s Danny, Danny Messer, it’s nice to meet you. Do you know Lindsay Monroe?” asks Danny. “Yeah we used to work together. How is she?” “She’s doing great she’s a Mom now to my baby and we are getting married soon we just haven’t set the date yet. We’re just waiting for the right time.” “Hey that’s great news am glad she has finally found someone to take care of her.” Danny looks puzzled. “We’re friends, we liked to talk. She was always going on about how she couldn’t find a decent guy, im just glad that she has found someone that makes her happy” says Ciaran. “Thanks that means a lot from one of her friends.” “No problem, you sound like a nice guy. Hope you guys are very happy together.” “Thanks man” replies Danny. “So Mac, what crime scene have I got today?” “Danny, you’re working with Stella. There is a triple homicide out on Yonkers. Mother and her two children were murdered. Stella’s already at the scene.” “Ok Mac That’s me on my way. It was nice to meet you Ciaran I hope you enjoy working here” and with that Danny leaves. Out at the crime scene Stella is already processing when Danny arrives. “Hey glad you could make it. Have you seen the new guy yet?” “Yeah, he seems ok” “’He seems ok?’ don’t you like I thought with him knowing Lindsay you two would get on just great.” “I know I should get on with him and I want to like him but…” “But…” “I think being a parent has changed I mean he seems ok but would I really trust any that I don’t know to be in my house, more importantly to be around my child” “oh my god Danny, you have actually taking to the whole parent thing, admit it you love Lucy” “I do, I love her sooo much and I would die if anything happened to her. So to get back on subject what happened here” “spoil sport, ok, Mother’s name is Carla, children’s name is Anthony and Marie, Marie is 12 and Anthony is 8, and Carla she’s 39, she would 40 tomorrow. Each has a gun shot wound to the head. That’s all I’ve got so far. So stop messing around and help me process the scene” “oh ok Stell are you like this with Mac in the bedroom” laughs Danny. “Hey, what me and Mac do is none of your business but I will forgive you for asking because I have been nosing in on your private life with Lindsay and I will heartedly say I am sorry for interfering in your life it won’t happen again. I promise.” “Hey it’s ok Stell I don’t mind I like it when you interfere, it lets me know that someone actually cares about me” “no problem Danny I promise I will interfere in EVERY part of your life for the rest of your life.” “Thanks Stell. Now let’s process the scene.” Back at the lab Lindsay arrives with Lucy and the first person she sees is Ciaran. “Hey you, long time no see. How are you? And what are you doing here?” “Hey to you too. Im fine and the answer to your second question is I moved here. When you were back in Montana you kept going on about how great New York was so I decided to move here” “Hey that’s great news you are going to love it here” “Yeah I know I will. So this must be the famous little girl that your fiancé keeps on going on about” “You’ve met Danny?” “Yeah I met him when he came in earlier. He seems nice” “Yeah he is. He’s great, he makes me so happy I could just bust” “Well don’t we don’t want the csi’s to process a crime scene at their own lab” laughs Ciaran. “Funny” Lindsay playfully punches Ciaran. Danny comes in with Stella. “If I didn’t know any better I would say you were making moves on my girl” laughs Danny. Lindsay gives Danny a kiss. “Hey you, yeah you know better. I just came in to tell you that my parents are coming up from Montana, they would like to meet your parents” Danny looks horrified “My parents? My…my….parents?” “Hey what’s wrong with that? Don’t you wanna meet my parents?” “I do Lindsay but….” “But what?” “My moms ok but my dad….he’s not the kind of guy that someone would want to introduce his fiancés parents too.” “Hey what’s wrong with your dad?” asks Stella. “His dad belongs to the Italian mob Stell.” Replies Mac. “Your dad’s a mobster? How the hell did you get into the police force?” asks Lindsay “well for starters yes my dad is a mobster, he in fact runs the Italian mob, he asked me to go into the family business I said no told him I didn’t want to be any part of what they were doing. Then I signed up for the police academy I flat out told them who my father was and they happily let me join. I think they thought that I would give them info on my father. I didn’t. As my father always says’s ‘Non si deve tradire la famiglia come la famiglia è l'unica cosa che una persona ha’” everyone looks puzzled. “One must not betray family as family is the only thing that a person has” replies Danny. “Oh” everyone says. “You guys didn’t know I could speak Italian did you?” they all shack there head. “Guess you guy’s have find something new about me everyday” “yeah” replies Lindsay. “So what does ‘you are so beautiful I can’t possibly imagine why you would be with me’” asks Lindsay. “Siete così bella I can’t forse immaginare il motivo per cui si sarebbe con me” replies Danny. “Woo that was so beautiful.” Replies Lindsay. “No, you are too beautiful” kisses Danny. “Huhumm” coughs Mac. “Sorry Mac just got a little carried away” Apologizes Danny. “Its ok, just don’t let it happen again.” Says Mac. “So uh this Wednesday its ok to meet my parents then?” asks Lindsay. “Fine, but if my dad is an ass don’t come crying to me” “fine I’ll take that risk Mr. Messer” and with that Lindsay leaves with Lucy.

Part 3
That Wednesday Danny goes to pick Lindsay’s parents up from the airport. “Hi Danny it’s so nice to finally meet you. We’ve heard the voice but now we get to finally see the man behind the voice” say’s Lindsay’s mom Catriona. “Yeah, as Cat say’s it is really good to finally meet you. How is our lovely little granddaughter?” asks Lindsay’s dad Martin. “Hey, yeah she’s doing great just yesterday she tried to switch the channels on the TV. It’s not so fun when you are trying to watch a MET’s game.” Laughs Danny. “That’s my girl, always messing about with the things that are important to us Monroe's. Just wait until she’s older she’ll regret trying to switch over a MET’s game!” laughs Martin. “So Danny are we actually going to meet your parents today or tomorrow?” asks Catriona “Well Catriona” “Call me Cat” “Ok Cat, yeah we are gonna meet my parents today we’re meeting them in about 2 hours to give you guys time to unpack and settle in I really hope you guys enjoy your stay here!” replies Danny. A couple of hours later Danny and Lindsay introduce Martin and Cat to Danny’s parents. “Cat, Martin I would like to introduce you to my mom Carla and my dad Tony, mom, dad, this is Cat and Martin Lindsay’s parents.” “it’s a pleasure to meet you both Lindsay talks about you guys a lot, about how much she misses you too.” Says Carla. “Well thank you, well we have heard a lot about you Carla but not Tony” Tony gives Danny a dirty look “You don’t talk about me? What the hell is your problem then? I gave you everything that you ever wanted and you treat me like this! What kind of son are you?” shouts Tony “Look dad I didn’t mean any offence but you haven’t spoken more than 10 words to me in the last 8 years and you expect me to big you up? Huh? It ain’t gonna happen. Like hell did you give me everything that I ever wanted, mom gave me the one thing that I wanted and needed and that was love. You, you were never there for me when I needed you the most you were always there for the fun times, me and Louie needed a father and we got you a no good for nothing waste of space who’s idea of a job is selling drugs and illegal gambling and god knows what else so don’t you yell at me cause I will hit you and you know it. You’ve hated me since I joined the police, you and your ‘little people’ get the hell of your high horse and leave my family alone cause frankly dad we don’t need you!!!!!!!!!!!!” Danny yells and storms of. Tony heads in pursuit of Danny. He is watching them smiling to himself, laughingly he tells himself “you sure know how to pick them Lindsay”. He knows the opportunity he has been waiting for will be arising shortly; his ‘family’ will be complete but for now he will watch, watch as the drama unfolds. He thinks to himself “why are you with him Lindsay? When you could be with me? I would treat you the way that you should be treated, not storming of when you need me the most. He can’t love you the way that I could love you” and with that he leaves to follow Danny, trying to see if an opportunity arises to take out the man who stands in his way.

Part 4
Danny’s father catches up with him. “What the hell is your problem?” “YOU, you are my problem, just stay out of my life ok? Me, Lindsay and Lucy don’t NEED you, you’re NOTHING to us. Just stay out of our lives.” “So I don’t mean nothing to you? Then why did you name your daughter after your grandma? Huh? Danny one day you are gonna wake up and realize that im dead and you can’t change the past. Stop blaming me for all your problems ok? Im just one man, Danny, I can’t take care of you and your problems. I love you Danny but you get me so mad sometimes, Danny it’s time to relies that the world doesn’t revolve around you” “doesn’t revolve around me! DOESN’T REVOLE AROUND ME!!!!!!!!!! You have clearly lost the plot dad, I DON’T think the world revolves around me, I take care of my family, your family, and im accused of only thinking about myself. Do you know how many sacrifices I have made for you, for mom? Huh? I sacrificed my work for my family. Do you know how many times I have almost got fired because I wouldn’t turn against you. There is too many times to count. So don’t give me a lecture when its you yourself that needs the lecture on what they really care about!” and with that Danny storms of around the corner and dragged into a car by him. “What the hell” Danny says as he is bundled into the car. “DANNY” screams his father as the car races off. “Guess opportunity knocked” laughs him to himself. Meanwhile back at the café Lindsay and that are getting worried about Danny and Tony, Lindsay is fussing over Lucy to take her mind off everything. Tony walks back in, he has a look of shock on his face. “What’s wrong?” worries Lindsay “Is it Danny please tell me he’s alright?” “We need to call the cops” stutters Tony “You didn’t answer my question” asks Lindsay “Its Danny he…he was kidnapped I think” “What do you mean you think he was kidnapped!” demands Lindsay “He was bundled into a car a couple of minutes after he stormed of, so we have to call the cops” Lindsay starts panicking “He’s gonna be ok Lindsay” say’s Carla. “This can’t happen again, not now, after all we’ve been through” whispers Lindsay. After a 2 hour drive Danny and Him arrive at there destination. “Where are we” Danny thinks to himself. “Don’t flinch, don’t move, don’t try to escape: your never gonna get out of here alive. You have something that I want and I will get her, even if it’s the last thing I do.” Says him. “Now let’s see. You took what I wanted and now you are going to pay. NOBODY takes what I want.” Screams Him. Back at the police department, Flack comes over to Lindsay and says, “we have patrol out looking for him, the car and the son of a bitch who took Danny. Now normally NYPD don’t work with the mob but on this case we will make an exception.” Flack looks at Danny’s Dad. “So tell me what happened?” “Well Dect. Flack, we were having an argument” “What was your argument about?” “About how my son is an inconsiderate piece of shit” “Tony!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t you dare talk about our son like that!!!!!!!!!!!” shouts Carla. “Look I will talk about our son anyway I want. Do I feel guilty that the last time I saw him we were fighting? Yes, do I wish things had turned out different? Yes, Do I wish I could have stop the car and saved our son? Yes, ok Carla are you happy now!? I would do ANYTHING to get him back ok! Now excuse me I have to go and save our son!”

Part 5
Tony arrives at the Italian Mafia headquarters with a look of concern on his face. “What is boss?” asks a member of the organization. “My son has been kidnapped. I want you and a couple of the boys to check up on a couple of things for me” “sure boss whatever you need” “Ok, first of, I want you to track down this car registration number LM25 ILU, secondly, find out of anybody has been planning to take my son. Ok” “On it boss” “Oh and Larry” “Yeah boss?” “Don’t tell Louie” “I wont boss”. Tony goes into his office and shuts the door and picks up his phone and dials a number. The phone answers. “Hello, its Tony, Tony Benedetti Messer, we need to talk meet me at the Quality Café in 20 minutes.” And with that Tony hangs up the phone. Back at the Lab Mac and Co are trying to figure out a way to find Danny. “Hey you guys, have you tried his cell?” asks Adam. “No we haven’t. I think we should try that now” Mac GPS his cell number. “It’s currently switch on, its location is at 97th St at 2nd Ave. Lets go people” Mac says. “Wait a minute Mac; I know that address that’s where my uncle used to live.” Replies Lindsay. “Well someone knows there is a connection to you, maybe this isn’t about Danny,Lindsay maybe it’s about you” replies Mac. Mac calls Flack and tells him and the rest of the NYPD to meet him at that address. Back at the house where he is held hostage Danny starts to aggravate his kidnapper. “What do you want from me?” Danny says. “You have something that I want and I will take her from you, you don’t deserve her, you are worthless, she would be better of with me” replies Him. “Lindsay…..you want Lindsay? You can’t have her. You are sooooooooo crazy. She would never go with a guy like you. If she cared about you sooooo much why isn’t she with you? Huh? Tell me that!!!!!!!!!” At that moment He lashes out and strikes Danny in the face and screams “You don’t know anything!!!!!!!!!” At the Quality Café Tony is sitting in a both waiting on his guest to arrive, just then he walks through. Tony signals to him, the man sits down. “What do you want Tony? If I’m seen with you that’s the end of my career” says Det. Donald Flack SNR. “Well I thought it was best for us to have a little chat don’t you Donny?” “What’s this all about Tony?” “Someone has taking my son Don or should I say your son. I want you to help me find him” “Look Tony, the NYPD already have a location to search for him, through his cell, ok there is nothing I can do” “well I will tell you something that you can do Don and that is tell your family before I do. Danny deserves to know the truth and I am going to tell him” “But you can’t Tony. Please just don’t tell anyone. My son is friends with Danny and when he finds out………. I dread to think what will happen” “Look im going to lose my son anyway might as well make you lose your son too” and with that Tony gets up and walks out of the Café. The NYPD arrives at the house suddenly gunfire erupts. “Everybody Get Down” shouts Flack. A voice screams out. “Go away I will KILL him if you don’t” “What do you want?” screams Flack. A hand points to Lindsay and shouts “Her” “Don’t do it Lindsay” everybody hears Danny scream out. SWAT moves in and shot the perp. He screams in agony. SWAT enters the house and rescue Danny and remove him. “Do you know him?” asks Flack to Lindsay. “Yeah he’s…he’s an ex boyfriend of mine from Montana. He’s Ciaran’s Brother Flack. His name is Jason, Jason Dunn.” Replies Lindsay. “Well he won’t be hurting you or Danny anytime soon.” Replies Flack. Just then a new recruit comes up to Mac. “Hi Det. Taylor im Louise Stevenson from Glasgow your new CSI” “Welcome Louise im looking forward to working with you” replies Mac. Flacks mobile rings. “Det. Flack im calling to inform you that you have a big brother out there. Your father slept with my wife over 30 years ago and my son was the result of it. You may know him. His name is Danny, Danny Messer. I just thought you would like to know Danny doesn’t know and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell him until I do” and with that the phone hangs up.

Part 6
A couple of hours later Flack meets up with Tony. “Is it true? Danny’s my brother?” “Yes, its true, Danny is your brother Don. You had to know.” “How…how did it happen?” “Well over 30 years ago my wife got into a little trouble and your dad came to her rescue. Your dad was already married to your mom at that point Don. Anyway my idiotic wife invites your father into the house for some drinks one thing leads to another and my son is the result” “How to do you know that Danny isn’t yours?” “Because I was away in Italy with Louie, I was introducing my son to his family for the first time. Carla didn’t want to come. “I have work to go to Tony”. But she did let me take Louie. “It’s about time you spent some quality time with your son” she says, more like playing away behind my back!” “So….when are you going to tell Danny?” “First off he may be mine BUT I think he may not be and I want you to run a DNA test for me” “How am I supposed to do that?” “You’re a smart guy Don. Figure it out” and with that Tony leaves. At the lab 30 minutes later Flack arrives at the lab and goes straight to Adam. “Adam, I know this is kinda rude but could you do me a huge favour” “How huge?” “Life altering, I need you to run this DNA sample for me.” “Sure Flack, who’s DNA do you want me to run it against?” “Danny’s please!” “Ok I shall have the results in about a couple of hours if I rush it” “Thanks Adam you’re a great guy!” “No probs Flack” At the Hospital Danny has been giving the all clear to go home. “You sure doc?” “Positive, go home, rest and spent some time with your wife” “We’re not married just yet. We’re engaged.” “Congratulations” “Thanks Doc.” Danny leaves the hospital room. Mac comes up to him. “Shouldn’t you be in a hospital bed?” “Nope, the doc has giving me the all clear.” “Well let’s get you home to your family.” “Aren’t they at the lab?” “Yes mister smarty pants they are” “Then lets go” replies Danny. Back at the NYPD Danny arrives. Lindsay runs up and gives him a hug. “Your ok?” “Yeah, I'm fine Doc says I need to rest but other than that I'm doin great!” “Lind’s I was thinking that with all that’s happening we could actually start our wedding preparations.” “Yeah sure I’d love that!” replies Lindsay. Flacks phone rings. “Hello, this is Det. Flack.” “Don, it’s Adam, I’ve got the DNA results in, could you come up to the lab.” “Sure” replies Flack. Flack arrives at Adams lab. “Soooooooooooo, what are the results?” “The DNA you gave me is a partial match to Danny’s” “What does that mean?” “Well, the DNA you gave indicates that Danny and this persons DNA are related, like a brother or father or even a son. Whose DNA did you give me?” “Mine” whispers Flack. Adam looks shocked. “So Danny’s your brother?” “Yep, he must be. Adam don’t tell Danny he’s been through a lot right now” “Ok….how did you know he was your brother?” “His father told or should I say his step father told me” “Woooo” “Woooo indeed” Flack walks away, then he takes out his cell phone and dials Tony’s number. Tony answers. “Hello?” “Hello Tony, this is Don, Don Flack JNR, the DNA results are back.” “And?” “He’s not your son.” “Oh” “Just letting you know, I thought it was best to tell you first.” “Thanks for letting me know” “No problem” Flack hangs up his phone. A couple of days later Danny gets a phone call from his dad and is asked to meet him in Central Park. “Hey, what’s up dad?” “Danny there’s something that I have to tell you.” “What is it dad?” “That’s the thing Danny I’m not your dad” “WHAT!” “There is no easy way to say this Danny, your mom had an affair on me and you were the result of that affair.” “Then who is my dad?” “His name is Donald Flack SNR” “WHAT! Then that means Flacks my…my brother?” “Yes, Don already knows I asked him to run a DNA test, I was hoping that it would say that you are my son but it didn’t” “You already told him” “Yes, but Danny I want you to know that you are still my son no matter what. DNA doesn’t mean anything to me. I raised you.” “Thanks dad thanks for telling me first.” And with that Danny storms of.

Part 7
It’s been a couple of months since the revelation that Flack was Danny’s brother. Everybody was shocked to here about that, how two best friends are now brothers, but Danny decided to throw caution to the wind and asked Flack to be one of his best men. “Sure I would love too. Are you sure about that?” “Yeah, I was gonna ask you before all this come out. Just so you know Louie is gonna be the other best man. I was best man at his wedding its only fair that I make him best man at mine.” “Well when you put it like that I have to agree” “Yep” “What about my dad…I mean our dad…is he gonna be at the wedding?” “Nope, he’s not my father...I mean he IS my dad but the dad I want at my wedding is gonna be Tony” “Ok” Stella and Lindsay is at her apartment. “Stell, there is something I want to ask you.” “Sure fire away” “Stella will you be my maid of honour?” “Yeah, well thank you Lindsay” “No problem” Stella and Lindsay hug. It’s the day of Danny and Lindsay’s wedding. Everybody is gathered under a canopy in Strawberry Fields in Central Park. Danny looks dashing in his suit. Flack and Louie are by his side. “I never thought I see the day when ma lil brother settled down and get married!” says Louie. “Times have changed, I’ve grown up” “More like you’ve actually met someone that will put up with your craziness!” Laughs Flack. “Funny guys, funny, I love Lucy and I love Lindsay, I’ve finally found someone that makes me happy” “We’re just teasing Danny. We’re really happy for you guys” “Thanks, Louie, Don it means a lot.” “No problem” Back in Lindsay’s dressing area, Stella and Catriona enter. “WOW Lindsay you look….you look amazing!!!!!!!!” “Really?” “Really” says Stella. Lindsay is wearing an of the shoulder diamond sequined dress with a puffed out skirt and on. In her hair she has a diamond studded Tiara and diamantes’ in her hair and is wearing a veil. She looks absolutely radiant. “It’s my big im just sooooooooooo excited!!!!!! Please tell me Danny looks ok?” “Cant tell you that Linds it’ll spoil the surprise!” “Ok I will just have to wait till I walk down the aisle.” Just than Martin comes in holding Lucy. Lucy looks soooooooooo cute in the mini version of her mom’s dress. “Woooooo she looks cute!” say’s Stella “she takes after her mom” replies Lindsay. “Let’s get this show on the road!” says Martin. Everybody awwwwwwwwwwwww’s in amazement when Lindsay walks down the aisle. Danny can’t help but have a huge smile on his face. “She looks sooooooooo amazing” he thinks to himself. “I love you” whispers Danny to Lindsay when she arrives at the altar. “I love you too” replies Lindsay. The ceremony begins. “Siamo qui riuniti oggi per celabrate la gioiosa riunione tra queste due persone. I benvenuto a tutti voi per celabrate l'amore di Danny e Lindsay, questi sono due molto speical persone che hanno deciso di dichiarare il loro amore fronte dei loro familiari e amici. Ora dobbiamo iniziare.” “We are gathered here today to celabrate the joyous reunion between these two people. I welcome you all to celabrate the love of Danny and Lindsay, these are two very speical people who have decided to declare their love in front of their family and friends. Now let us begin.” Translates Tony. “Avete Danny Lindsay prendere da sposa legittima la vostra moglie? Di avere e di tenere in malattia e la salute rinunciare a tutti gli altri la fintanto che entrambi possono vivere.” “Do you Danny take Lindsay to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold in sickness and in health forsaking all other’s as long as you both shall live.” “I do” “E ti Lindsay prendere Danny per essere il vostro marito sposa legittima? Di avere e di tenere in salute e in malattia abbandonati tutti gli altri fintanto che entrambi sono vivi” “And do you Lindsay take Danny to be your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold in sickness and in health forsaking all others as long as you both shall live.” “I do” “Ora lo scambio di anelli” “Now the exchange of rings” Danny puts the ring on Lindsay’s finger and Lindsay does the same to Danny. “Ora abbiamo assistito lo scambio di anelli, si può ora baciare la sposa.” “We have now witnessed the exchange of rings, you may now kiss the bride.” Danny kisses Lindsay. Everybody screams in enjoyment. The happy couple leave in a vintage motor.

The End


RyderBPD
RyderBPD 		Latest page update: made by RyderBPD , Dec 7 2009, 8:38 PM EST (about this update About This Update RyderBPD Moved from: Fan Fiction: A - E - RyderBPD

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xxkmsmilesxx hey 0 Apr 15 2009, 9:32 AM EDT by xxkmsmilesxx
Thread started: Apr 15 2009, 9:32 AM EDT  Watch
ok, while I did like the story I found it a bit confusing. Maybe if you set it out so the dialogue has a line to each person, if you know what I mean. and so it is spaced out a bit more. otheriwse good job
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ProSnickers1234 THe eyes can't always see ! 0 Jan 30 2008, 4:35 PM EST by ProSnickers1234
Thread started: Jan 30 2008, 4:35 PM EST  Watch
i love the story.
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